What to tell kids about divorce

Divorce happens.  With the amount of pressure people are under, it seems to be happening a bit more these days.  The adults' own feelings about the divorce are a big enough of an undertaking, but what and when to tell your children is an important component to consider.

Just like when communicating with children about other big events in life (illness in the family, moving, new sibling), it is important to remember a few things:

1) Keep the content age appropriate.  Use words that are typical for that child's everyday language.

2) Answer questions honestly, even if the answer if "I don't know, but I know you'll be ok."

3) Tell children in different age groups separately to attend effectively to their varying needs.

4) Practice aloud in your car or someplace private so that you can be as clear and calm as possible when speaking to your children.

5) Avoid language that might put your child in the middle.

For more tips, here is a great introductory article in Family Education.

If needed, be sure to enlist the help of a qualified professional in your area to support you or your children. With the school year coming up, be sure to inform teachers and school social workers so they can look out for your children during the day.  This is a big change for everybody involved.  Be sure to take good care and access any resources you need.

Be well,

Rebecca

When kids get stressed

Kids get stressed just like everyone else.  Be it parents divorcing, illness in the family, a teacher they don't like, issues with friends, academic performance issues, kids are out there learning to navigate the world. 

This article from Family Education provides good tips for helping your kids cope with stress.  Check it out!

Of course if your child is struggling and your efforts have not seemed to make much of a difference, most schools have social workers or teachers you can talk to.  Enlist the assistance of a therapist or counselor in your area if you feel you or your child needs additional support. 

Be well,

Rebecca

Confession

I first heard this prayer in a Sinead O'Connor CD.  Actually, it wasn't a Sinead O'Connor CD by label.  It was a CD my brother bought on vacation only to find when he finally got to play it at home that it was indeed not the industrial music he thought it was but Sinead.  Needless to say, he tossed it my way and I discovered this prayer.  Regardless of religious affiliation - you can substitute God for whatever works for you - it just seems like good sense.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

I am an early bird.  Always have been.  There is something truly inspiring for me to begin my day in total silence.  In the morning, before the rest of the household wakes, the tiniest sound is clear - the birds outside, the filling of my glass of water, the skritch of my pencil as I write, or my feet moving on my mat.

Being an early bird, I often see the sun rising.  Like a sunflower, I find myself facing the light as it filters through the trees behind my house.  What more promise is there in a sunrise.

When things are hard or busy, and it feels like there are too many things to do, a simple reminder that tomorrow is a new day, that the sun will predictably rise again, can make all the difference in changing suffering into thriving.

But sometimes, on those really, really hard days, tomorrow's sunrise can be too far away.

Here is an idea from Daily OM on bringing the sunrise into any moment:

One simple way to do this is to carry an image or a photograph of the rising sun with us in our wallet or purse. We can also post this image on our wall at work or at home, or have it as our screensaver on our computer. When we feel the need to start fresh, we can take a moment to gaze at the image, allowing its light to enter into our hearts. As we do this, we might say out loud or quietly to ourselves, I am ready to let go of the past and start anew. We might visualize anything we want to release leaving us as we exhale, and as we inhale, we can take in the fresh energy of the eastern sun, allowing it to light the way to a brand-new day.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

Rebecca

Finding Happiness

If you get down to it, many people seek out a therapist because they want to be happy.  It is natural for all of us to want to be happy in marriage, with parenting, in relationships, jobs, overall life.  It may sound simplified, but we all want to feel happy.

Sometimes, happiness is more elusive than a state a mind one can just switch into.  Stress, health, relationships, self-confidence, self-esteem can all interfere with having a sense of happiness.

Here is a pretty good list of books on happiness and how to cultivate greater happiness in your life:

Brain Pickings' Must Read List on Happiness 

Enjoy!

Rebecca

When life gets heated

Its hot.  It has been hot for a while.  And it doesn't appear to be letting up anytime soon. 

This kind of heat feels limiting: my walks need to be early in the morning lest I keel over of heat stroke, my gardening time is shortened the later in the day it gets, and even if I roll down all of the windows in my car, the breeze is still hot. 

This kind of heat is not unlike other times when it feels like life is "turning up the heat" - when we are faced with family conflict, financial strain, illness, pain, fear, depression, anxiety, you name it.  Times when our deepest wounds are reopened, old fears triggered, etc.

This is where I remind myself, in this heat or when life "turns up the heat" that:

Nothing last forever.

Nothing does. 

Not this heat.  Not a fight with your spouse. 

This kind of perspective remind me that there will be a time when rains come, when fires are extinguished, when life seems to settle down a bit.

So what do we do when it is hot?  When life gets unbearably uncomfortable?

We take care of ourselves.  We "cool off" by doing things that feel refreshing.  We stop a moment to breathe.  We treat opur bodies to healthy, refreshing foods.

Nothing lasts forever. 

But when it feels like life just turned up the heat.... take good care.  You are worth it.

Be well,

Rebecca