What to tell kids about divorce

Divorce happens.  With the amount of pressure people are under, it seems to be happening a bit more these days.  The adults' own feelings about the divorce are a big enough of an undertaking, but what and when to tell your children is an important component to consider.

Just like when communicating with children about other big events in life (illness in the family, moving, new sibling), it is important to remember a few things:

1) Keep the content age appropriate.  Use words that are typical for that child's everyday language.

2) Answer questions honestly, even if the answer if "I don't know, but I know you'll be ok."

3) Tell children in different age groups separately to attend effectively to their varying needs.

4) Practice aloud in your car or someplace private so that you can be as clear and calm as possible when speaking to your children.

5) Avoid language that might put your child in the middle.

For more tips, here is a great introductory article in Family Education.

If needed, be sure to enlist the help of a qualified professional in your area to support you or your children. With the school year coming up, be sure to inform teachers and school social workers so they can look out for your children during the day.  This is a big change for everybody involved.  Be sure to take good care and access any resources you need.

Be well,

Rebecca

Resources for Pain

The American Chronic Pain Association is a wealth of resources for people experiencing chronic pain from fibromyalgia, back pain, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, migraine, irritable bowel syndrome, and more. 

Pain is unique in that there need not be any visible signs for pain.  In fact, pain can be encompassing, sometimes it is even difficult for someone experiencing chronic pain to put their experiences into words. 

Within the ACPA's website are various checklists and logs available for anyone to print as a tool for communicating about pain to medical or mental health staff.  The more clearly someone experiencing chronic pain is able to convey their experience of pain, the more likely he or she will be able to receive individualized support and treatment.

If you are experiencing chronic pain, consider checking out resources available to improve your quality of life.
 
You are worth it.

Rebecca

Parents still have sex?

Research shows that 70% of married couples experience a significant decrease in relational and sexual intimacy after the birth of their first child.

It is all well and good for couples to know that many parents experience less connection in their marriage.  Add jobs, housework, stress and it makes it even more difficult to connect in your marriage.  Honestly, how many parents of young children even have the energy at the end of the day for some serious connecting?

FamilyEducation.com offers these 10 tips to spice up your marriage.

1. Hold hands

2. Be romantic at home - Romance doesn't necessarily mean anything grand.  Being loving can be very simple.

3. Make sex a priority - I would change that to make sensuality a priority.  Never know where a good back rub might take you.

4. Do some little gesture just because - A man I know brings his wife a cup of tea every night.  Every single night for over 30 years.  Little gestures add up to something wonderful.

5. Pretend you just met - Get to know each other on a date.  Yes, a real date where you go out, without spilled apple juice on your clothes, and talk about things that interest you - not how to get your picky eater to start liking broccoli.

6. Feel good about yourself - if you don't, do something about it!

7. Get dressed up - A friend has a running joke with her husband.  He says, "You're wearing make-up.  What friends are we seeing tonight?" 

8. Compliment your spouse - Everyone likes a compliment.  Don't go fishing for one, give one first.

9. Let your partner know what makes you feel special  - Sometimes what feels special changes over time.  Start by asking your partner what makes him or her feel special.

10. Communicate - anyway you can.  Text, notes tapes to the microwave, etc. - One busy couple I know uses a notebook to write notes back and forth.  Sometimes they are family business.  Sometimes cute doodles.  But it is connection when their schedules are full.


Be well,

Rebecca

Mayo's Top 10 Stress Relievers

Stressful day? Week? Month?

Here is a list of Mayo Clinic's Top 10 Stress Relievers.


1. Get active.  Exercise refocuses our minds, loosens our muscles and pumps us with feel-good endorphins.  Stay within your realm.  A little goes a long way.  Check with your doctor first if need be.

2. Meditate.  Focused awareness on the breath or an image or a word can go far to clear the mind.  Check out resources by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Jack Kornfield.

3. Laugh.  It cools down your stress responses, gets your heart beating and improves breathing.  Find a local Laughter Yoga group or watch a funny movie.

4. Connect.  Social contact with others helps to distract, feel supported, and get out of a funk.

5. Assert Yourself.  While speaking up can be difficult for many, sharing your opinions, choices or feelings can release internal conflict.

6. Do yoga.  Cannot say enough about this great way to move, relax and get quiet.

7.  Sleep.  Too much or too little sleep impacts concentration, mood, energy levels, and overall functioning.  Employ relaxation tapes to help you fall asleep if you are having trouble.

8. Journal.  Writing out thoughts or feelings can actually help sort out what feels overwhelming inside.  Free writing is best to start where you just write our whatever comes to mind.  Keep a journal in a safe place or a protected file.

9.  Get musical.  Either bang away on a drum (or pots and pans!) or dance around your house, music has been used by people for centuries to celebrate and have fun.

10.  Seek counsel.  If stressors feel too much or if old stuff is getting in the way of the life you want, find a qualified therapist or counselor in your area.  Ethical guidelines protect your privacy and insurance will often cover at least a number of sessions.

Pick one and de-stress.  You deserve a little break.

Be well,

Rebecca