Imagine if we had the ability to create our realities with just our thoughts. We could think our way to financial stability, greater health, extreme happiness. While our reality cannot simply appear through mere thoughts, we do have an incredible amount of control over our thoughts and how we choose to perceive what is happening in our lives.
Aaron Beck, psychiatrist and professor, is considered the founding father of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. His model "describes how people’s perceptions of, or spontaneous thoughts about, situations influence their emotional, behavioral (and often physiological) reactions."
Hundreds of clinical trials and research shows that by addressing our thoughts and the behaviors that follow, we are able to successfully ameliorate a wide range of difficulties such as depression, anxiety, emotional and behavioral components of chronic pain & illness, stress, anger, relationship difficulties, eating disorders, substance abuse, parenting and the list goes on.
Here are some of the top thought patterns that can stand in our way:
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
Thinking of things in terms of "always", "every", or "never". For example, if a mother thinks to herself, "My son is always acting up.", she is likely to parent from this clouded vision and not look at the whole picture. Is it possible for a child to ALWAYS act up? Not when they are sleeping. But if a parent cannot allow herself to see the good times, she is more likely to miss them.
MENTAL FILTER
Focusing on only certain, usually negative, aspects of something. For example, if a woman experiencing financial stress and decides to take on a second job, her mental filter might be, "Yes, but it is so low paying." Rather than, "I am so grateful to have this second job." It can be difficult being around people with this kind of mental filter. They are often considered "negative" or to be "complaining all of the time". It is always possible to find something positive even if it is just the fact the sun is shining or I have a good friend.
SHOULDING
This is a form of judgment geared either towards oneself or another. A close relative to All or Nothing Thinking, Shoulding looks something like this, "That mom should put her kid in a time out." or "I should have known she would have divorced me." Should does not leave a lot of room for our humanness. As a wise woman once told me, "We know nothing." We cannot know the entire picture of what is going on for a mom with a tantruming child in the grocery. And we cannot possibly be able to predict the actions of another.
PERSONALIZATION
It is considered "the mother of guilt". This is where one person holds themselves solely responsible for an event that isn't under their control. Examples would be "I made him get mad.", "My cancer is my fault.", "I was too critical and now she can't stop drinking." A good anecdote to this one is to gently, with a sense of humor, remind ourselves that none of us are the center of the galaxy. The sun has dibs on that one.
See if you can catch yourself making any of these false thoughts. As always, if you are experiencing difficulties, contact a profesisonal in your area.
Be well,
Rebecca
