Peter Fraenkel, PhD, psychotherapist and Professor of Clinical Psychology, author of Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage argues,
"most relationship problems can be traced to partners being out of sync on the powerful but mostly hidden dimension of time."
It is not too hard to see what he means. More and more couples are becoming dual-earning families, kids needs shuffling around, financial stress abounds, and at the end of the day, there is still housework needs to be done.
There doesn't need to be illness, chronic pain, anxiety, or depression for couples to feel stressed in their marriage. (Though certainly those things can exacerbate the issue.)
At a recent lecture I attended downtown, Fraenkel suggested the 60-Second Pleasure Points for couples to stay connected.
Here is how it works:
1. Brainstorm as a couple fun, pleasurable, and/or sensual things that can be done in 60-seconds.
2. Think of ways to connect when not together. (i.e., texts to say hi, emails reminding each other of fun things you did when first married or dating, etc.)
3. Allot 60 seconds in morning, afternoon, and evening just to reconnect through any means. A hug. A kiss. A text. Or... All it takes is 3 minutes a day. Just three minutes.
When you look at it three minutes really isn't too much to ask. Have fun with it. Three minutes a day may not be enough to solve more ingrained marital conflict or marriage issues. In that case, consult with a qualified therapist or counselor in your area. But when you look at the busy daily schedule you have, three minutes is completely achievable.
Have fun thinking of 60 minute pleasure points!
Rebecca
