Resources for Pain

The American Chronic Pain Association is a wealth of resources for people experiencing chronic pain from fibromyalgia, back pain, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, migraine, irritable bowel syndrome, and more. 

Pain is unique in that there need not be any visible signs for pain.  In fact, pain can be encompassing, sometimes it is even difficult for someone experiencing chronic pain to put their experiences into words. 

Within the ACPA's website are various checklists and logs available for anyone to print as a tool for communicating about pain to medical or mental health staff.  The more clearly someone experiencing chronic pain is able to convey their experience of pain, the more likely he or she will be able to receive individualized support and treatment.

If you are experiencing chronic pain, consider checking out resources available to improve your quality of life.
 
You are worth it.

Rebecca

Parents still have sex?

Research shows that 70% of married couples experience a significant decrease in relational and sexual intimacy after the birth of their first child.

It is all well and good for couples to know that many parents experience less connection in their marriage.  Add jobs, housework, stress and it makes it even more difficult to connect in your marriage.  Honestly, how many parents of young children even have the energy at the end of the day for some serious connecting?

FamilyEducation.com offers these 10 tips to spice up your marriage.

1. Hold hands

2. Be romantic at home - Romance doesn't necessarily mean anything grand.  Being loving can be very simple.

3. Make sex a priority - I would change that to make sensuality a priority.  Never know where a good back rub might take you.

4. Do some little gesture just because - A man I know brings his wife a cup of tea every night.  Every single night for over 30 years.  Little gestures add up to something wonderful.

5. Pretend you just met - Get to know each other on a date.  Yes, a real date where you go out, without spilled apple juice on your clothes, and talk about things that interest you - not how to get your picky eater to start liking broccoli.

6. Feel good about yourself - if you don't, do something about it!

7. Get dressed up - A friend has a running joke with her husband.  He says, "You're wearing make-up.  What friends are we seeing tonight?" 

8. Compliment your spouse - Everyone likes a compliment.  Don't go fishing for one, give one first.

9. Let your partner know what makes you feel special  - Sometimes what feels special changes over time.  Start by asking your partner what makes him or her feel special.

10. Communicate - anyway you can.  Text, notes tapes to the microwave, etc. - One busy couple I know uses a notebook to write notes back and forth.  Sometimes they are family business.  Sometimes cute doodles.  But it is connection when their schedules are full.


Be well,

Rebecca

Mayo's Top 10 Stress Relievers

Stressful day? Week? Month?

Here is a list of Mayo Clinic's Top 10 Stress Relievers.


1. Get active.  Exercise refocuses our minds, loosens our muscles and pumps us with feel-good endorphins.  Stay within your realm.  A little goes a long way.  Check with your doctor first if need be.

2. Meditate.  Focused awareness on the breath or an image or a word can go far to clear the mind.  Check out resources by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Jack Kornfield.

3. Laugh.  It cools down your stress responses, gets your heart beating and improves breathing.  Find a local Laughter Yoga group or watch a funny movie.

4. Connect.  Social contact with others helps to distract, feel supported, and get out of a funk.

5. Assert Yourself.  While speaking up can be difficult for many, sharing your opinions, choices or feelings can release internal conflict.

6. Do yoga.  Cannot say enough about this great way to move, relax and get quiet.

7.  Sleep.  Too much or too little sleep impacts concentration, mood, energy levels, and overall functioning.  Employ relaxation tapes to help you fall asleep if you are having trouble.

8. Journal.  Writing out thoughts or feelings can actually help sort out what feels overwhelming inside.  Free writing is best to start where you just write our whatever comes to mind.  Keep a journal in a safe place or a protected file.

9.  Get musical.  Either bang away on a drum (or pots and pans!) or dance around your house, music has been used by people for centuries to celebrate and have fun.

10.  Seek counsel.  If stressors feel too much or if old stuff is getting in the way of the life you want, find a qualified therapist or counselor in your area.  Ethical guidelines protect your privacy and insurance will often cover at least a number of sessions.

Pick one and de-stress.  You deserve a little break.

Be well,

Rebecca

Keeping connected in your marriage

Peter Fraenkel, PhD, psychotherapist and Professor of Clinical Psychology, author of Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage argues,

       "most relationship problems can be traced to partners being out of sync on the powerful but mostly hidden dimension of time." 

It is not too hard to see what he means.  More and more couples are becoming dual-earning families, kids needs shuffling around, financial stress abounds, and at the end of the day, there is still housework needs to be done.

There doesn't need to be illness, chronic pain, anxiety, or depression for couples to feel stressed in their marriage.  (Though certainly those things can exacerbate the issue.)

At a recent lecture I attended downtown, Fraenkel suggested the 60-Second Pleasure Points for couples to stay connected.

Here is how it works:

1. Brainstorm as a couple fun, pleasurable, and/or sensual things that can be done in 60-seconds.

2. Think of ways to connect when not together.  (i.e., texts to say hi, emails reminding each other of fun things you did when first married or dating, etc.)

3. Allot 60 seconds in morning, afternoon, and evening just to reconnect through any means.  A hug.  A kiss.  A text.  Or...  All it takes is 3 minutes a day.  Just three minutes. 


When you look at it three minutes really isn't too much to ask.  Have fun with it.  Three minutes a day may not be enough to solve more ingrained marital conflict or marriage issues.  In that case, consult with a qualified therapist or counselor in your area.  But when you look at the busy daily schedule you have, three minutes is completely achievable.

Have fun thinking of 60 minute pleasure points!

Rebecca 

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.”

 - Pema Chodron

Teach your kids about money

Money, finances, debt, the economy, it is on all of our minds in some way or another.  Either we need more or we are trying to protect what we have.  As parents, this is particularly important and fantastic time to teach our children how to have a healthy relationship with money, how to manage it properly, and how to be mindful of where it goes.

Here are 10 tips to teaching kids about money by Paul Richard


1.       As soon as children can count, introduce them to money.

2.      Communicate with children as they grow about your values concerning money

3.      Help children learn the differences between needs, wants, and wishes.

4.      Setting goals is fundamental to learning the value of money and saving.

5.       Introduce children to the value of saving versus spending.

6.      When giving children an allowance, give them the money in denominations that encourage saving.

7.       Take children to a credit union or bank to open their own savings accounts.

8.      Keeping good records of money saved, invested, or spent is another important skill young people must learn.

9.      Use regular shopping trips as opportunities to teach children the value of money.

10.   Allow young people to make spending decisions.

For more information, check out Family Education at: http://life.familyeducation.com/money-and-kids/parenting/36332.html#ixzz1uIMbB28a

Be well,

Rebecca

Are your thoughts stressing you out?

Imagine if we had the ability to create our realities with just our thoughts.  We could think our way to financial stability, greater health, extreme happiness. While our reality cannot simply appear through mere thoughts, we do have an incredible amount of control over our thoughts and how we choose to perceive what is happening in our lives.

Aaron Beck, psychiatrist and professor, is considered the founding father of Cognitive Behavior Therapy.  His model "describes how people’s perceptions of, or spontaneous thoughts about, situations influence their emotional, behavioral (and often physiological) reactions."

Hundreds of clinical trials and research shows that by addressing our thoughts and the behaviors that follow, we are able to successfully ameliorate a wide range of difficulties such as depression, anxiety, emotional and behavioral components of chronic pain & illness, stress, anger, relationship difficulties, eating disorders, substance abuse, parenting and the list goes on.

Here are some of the top thought patterns that can stand in our way:

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
       
Thinking of things in terms of "always", "every", or "never".  For example, if a mother thinks to herself, "My son is always acting up.", she is likely to parent from this clouded vision and not look at the whole picture.  Is it possible for a child to ALWAYS act up?  Not when they are sleeping.   But if a parent cannot allow herself to see the good times, she is more likely to miss them.


MENTAL FILTER

Focusing on only certain, usually negative, aspects of something.  For example, if a woman experiencing financial stress and decides to take on a second job, her mental filter might be, "Yes, but it is so low paying."  Rather than, "I am so grateful to have this second job."  It can be difficult being around people with this kind of mental filter.  They are often considered "negative" or to be "complaining all of the time".  It is always possible to find something positive even if it is just the fact the sun is shining or I have a good friend.


SHOULDING

This is a form of judgment geared either towards oneself or another.  A close relative to All or Nothing Thinking, Shoulding looks something like this, "That mom should put her kid in a time out." or "I should have known she would have divorced me."  Should does not leave a lot of room for our humanness.  As a wise woman once told me, "We know nothing."  We cannot know the entire picture of what is going on for a mom with a tantruming child in the grocery.  And we cannot possibly be able to predict the actions of another.


PERSONALIZATION

It is considered "the mother of guilt".  This is where one person holds themselves solely responsible for an event that isn't under their control. Examples would be "I made him get mad.", "My cancer is my fault.", "I was too critical and now she can't stop drinking."  A good anecdote to this one is to gently, with a sense of humor, remind ourselves that none of us are the center of the galaxy.  The sun has dibs on that one. 


See if you can catch yourself making any of these false thoughts.  As always, if you are experiencing difficulties, contact a profesisonal in your area.

Be well,

Rebecca

What's in your food?

Organic. 

I know its more expensive.  When faced with two apples - organic or conventional - and your checking account is wringing its hands, forking over 5o cents more per pound for an apple that looks the same shade of red, is sometimes hard to do.

We know the pro-organic arguments: greater nutritional value, environmental conservation, etc. 

But the truth of the matter is, your checking account doesn't care about those things. 

So if you are concerned about the amount of toxins in your produce, but you want to maintain financial health as well, here is the Dirty Dozen list put out by the Environmental Working Group.  The foods on this list tend do contain the highest amount of toxins.  If you're going to buy organic, make it these:

1. Celery
2. Peaches
3. Strawberries
4. Apples
5. Blueberries
6. Nectarines
7. Bell peppers
8. Spinach
9. Cherries
10. Kale & Collard Greens
11. Potatoes
12. Grapes (buy USA grown)


We are what we eat!


Eat well,

Rebecca

Good breathing does more than we think

The importance of breathing is a no-brainer.  In fact, adults take on average 15 breaths per minute.  There are 1440 minutes per day which means we breath somewhere around 21,992 times each day.

That's a lot of breath.

According to Ann Boroch, CNC, naturopath and author of both Healing Multiple Sclerosis and The Candida Cure:

"75% of the toxins you eliminate will leave your body through your respiration."

Boroch recommends that to support the body's natural function to detox through breathing, two minutes, four times daily of some good deep breathing is a good practice. 

Put this recommendation into the context of a busy day, take a good deep breath whenever the phone rings or you sit down to eat. 

Be well,

Rebecca

Simplifying it all

There are many, many wonderful people who have published helpful works about pain, illness, depression, mindfulness, parenting, job loss, healing, and plain ol' just wanting to enjoy life.  From one of those works, here is a favorite quote of mine:

"As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you."

 - Jon Kabat-Zinn

It doesn't always feel this way.  Sometimes it feels like the exact opposite - that more things are wrong than right.  But take down to the fundamental meaning of life.  As long as you are breathing, ther eis more right with you than wrong with you.

So breathe.  And enjoy.

Be well,

Rebecca

Smiling makes you happier!

Can smiling actually make us feel happier?


Andrew Weil, physician, author, educator, says this about smiling:

The "facial feedback" hypothesis holds that physically expressing an emotion sends a biochemical signal from the facial muscles that "loops" back to the brain. It's similar to the way that sound coming from a speaker can be picked up by a microphone and sent back through the speaker as amplified feedback. This has huge significance for those who aim to improve their emotional well-being, because it suggests that we can consciously control our emotional lives much more than we might have suspected.

And its true!

As an undergrad psych major, my research partner and I created a study for a class that looked at the effects of holding a pencil in your hand versus in your mouth (which mimics smiling) while viewing the same comic strip.  The people who held the mouth in their pencils rated the comic as more amusing.

Try it out.  When you are feeling serious - smile.  Feeling grumpy?  Make silly faces in the mirror.

Now is this a solution for pervasive depression?  Probably not alone.  Will it cure illness or make pain go away completely?  Not likely.  However, it can help to balance us out just a little bit more.  Laughter and smiling is one resource we always have with us that can help us become more resilient.

Or watch a funny movie, read a humorous book, have fun - when we remember to enjoy life, we actually enjoy it more!

Rebecca

How stressed are you?

Let me preface this post by saying that "stress" can take on a variety of meanings.  How we experience stress largely has to do with the nature of the stressor and our own personalities. 

In 1967, psychiatrists Holmes & Rahe set out to study the relationship between stress and illness.  They surveyed 5,000 people and asked if they had experienced any of a list life events in the previous two years.  Through the study, they were able to rank stressful life events from most stressful to the least.  Here is what they came up with from most stressful to least:

1. Death of Spouse
2. Divorce
3. Marital Separation
4. Jail term
5. Death of close family member
6. Personal injury, illness (I add chronic pain to this one)
7. Marriage
8. Fired at work
9. Marital reconciliation
10. Retirement
11. Change in health of family member
12. Pregnancy
13. Sex difficulties
14. Gain of new family member
15. Business readjustment
16. Change in financial state
17. Death of close friend
18. Change to a different line of work
19. Change in number of arguments with spouse
20. A large mortgage or loan
21. Foreclosure of mortgage
22. Change in responsibilities at work
23. Son or daughter leaving home
24. Trouble with in-laws
25. Outstanding personal achievement
26. Spouse begins or stops work
27. Begin or end school/college
28. Change in living conditions
29. Revision of personal habits
30. Trouble with boss
31. Change in work hours
32. Change in residence
33. Change in school/college
34. Change in recreation
35. Change in church activities
36. A moderate loan or mortgage
37. Change in sleeping habits
38. Change in number of family get-togethers
39. Change in eating habits
40. Vacation
41. Christmas
42. Minor violation of law

If you take a quick scan of this list, you may be surprised that positive events such as getting married, conceiving or retirement are near the top of the list.  Why?  Because even joyous occasions such as getting married, an outstanding personal achievement, or promotion create change in our daily routines. When our daily routine are altered by even something wonderful, we may become busier with all of the exciting things that are happening, we may be spending more money, we may be busier with preparations. The theme here is change. 
The other note about this list, is that people are multi-faceted.  When we take a look at ourselves from a holistic point of view, it makes sense that one event would effect the overall balance in our lives.  For example, chronic pain as a "stressful event" could effect sleeping habits, change in recreation, etc.  Change in responsibilities at work could create difficulties in change in recreation, change in work hours, etc.

How can this list be helpful?

Sometimes when overwhelmed, it can help to break it down, to see the trickling effect of how one main event can impact our lives.  The fact that positive changes are listed also lend some validation to otherwise confusing emotions such as "I've just gotten a promotion, so why am I so stressed?" or "My kids are finally out of the house, so why am I miserable?"

Use the list to help get perspective on stress.  This act of kindness may go a long way to de-stressing.

Be well,

Rebecca