"Peace, it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - Unknown

Wishing you peace for the new year,

Rebecca

You are whole and other truths

In my life, in my work, there is a quote I keep close to my heart:

"As long as you're breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you, no matter what is wrong with you." - Kabat-Zinn

What does this mean?  It means that divorce, childhood trauma, parenting an oppositional teen, chronic pain, job loss, panic attacks, depression - there is still more right with you than there is wrong.

No matter our history, our successes and failures, we are already whole.  And the courage to be whole, to look at what inside pains the most, to let it exist alongside what brings the greatest joy, that is moment of the greatest potential.

So often people try to hide the parts of themselves they are ashamed of.  They try to ignore their fear.  Stuff their sadness.  We want to be good.  We want to be happy.

And what does volumes of research over decades show?

You want to be happy?  Accept you won't always be happy.  It is impossible.  Want to stop feeling afraid?  Be willing to feel your fear, get into it, and see what its about.  Fear, shame, sadness, it only grows with neglect. 

Embracing who we are, being open to the good and the ugly in each of us, therein lies the wisdom that there is indeed, more right with us than there is wrong with us.

- Rebecca

What happened to my sweet, adorable kid?

When our children are young, their never ending wonder at the world is contagious.  Just by walking alongside them, we are reminded of the wonder of spring, of the joy of counting all the way to 100, of how soothing it is to cuddle and read a book.  Having a child is, in my opinion, one of the most rewarding experiences we as human beings can go through.

Then somewhere along the line, things change.  Your child's beautiful eyes start to roll.  Songs you sang as a family become lame.  And the hero you once were in your child's eyes morphs into someone archaic, annoying, and embarrassing. 

Where once your child held your hand to cross the street, you are now instructed - in not-so-subtle ways - to drop them off a block from the mall, not to text them under any circumstances, and please, for the love of all that is good in the world, do NOT call their friends' parents to make sure a parent is going to be home.


Your little one is gone and has been replaced by a lunatic spewing obscenities and sass.

Your child grew into an adolescent and you couldn't be more heart broken.

I will defer to the expertise of Dr. Michael Bradley to explain this transformation:


"Teenagerdom" happened. A growing body of neurological research shows quite clearly that teen brains undergo previously unknown, complex changes that account for many of the perplexing behaviors that have always worried parents of teens. These changes temporarily whack many aspects of kids’ lives to include their organization skills, regulation of emotions, motivation, and, last but not least, impulse control. If you picture yourself trying to live in a house that's undergoing massive renovations, you have a sense of what life is often like for a young teen: Nothing works right, you can't find what you need, and sometimes the chaos makes you just want to scream."


In short, as Dr. Bradley would say, adolescents are crazy.  While that adds some understanding to why you are standing outside a locked bathroom door insisting it be unlocked, it may also help to shed light on one simple truth:

It is ok, and common, and completely natural to grieve the loss of your sweet child.  A big change has happened and all of the warm, cozy feelings you might have gotten from parenting your little one is gone.  Its like you've been eating the best European chocolate all of these years and now - no sweets for you.

A common reaction to feelings of rejection and pain?  To go the other way.  So often parents take their teen's expletives as a sign they should retreat.  On the contrary.  Your adolescent needs you more than ever.  They need someone brave enough to hold a candle for values.  To hold a sign that says they are loved no matter what (though don't really hold a sign up, lest you embarrass the heck out of them).  See their kicking back as a strengthening exercise for when they need to navigate their lives on their own two strong legs.  Give them space but don't disappear.  Tend to your sadness (and perhaps consequential anger) and know that, in time, this too shall pass.

Best to you,

Rebecca

Children and Gratitude

It is around now that I start thinking about the difference between need and want.  When I was a kid, my brother and I would gather all of the catalogues we had in the house and circle everything we wanted for Christmas.  Kids are still kids and the catalogues keep on coming.

It seems to me that there is the potential for more this time of year: more gratitude, more heart, more community. 

Here are some ideas of bringing more of what counts into the lives of ourselves and our families:


Gratitiude

Research has been done that shows thankfulness and gratitiude can improve a person's health, help them sleep better, and stay connected with a sense of community when feeling low. 

This is what Jennifer Miller suggests: "Make a point before each member of the family goes off to school and work to look for specific ways to appreciate them."

How about a note of gratitiude in school lunches?



Interdependence

Polly Young-Eisendrath, author of The Self-Esteem Trap, says that when children feel a part of something larger, and the interconnectedness bewteen us all, they have a healthier sense of self.

To give children a true sense of contribution, plan a task that will require a little elbow grease.  Bundle up and go for a walk together in the neighborhood collecting pennies for The World Wildlife Fund.  Go through outgrown hats and gloves and bring them to a nearby women's shelter.  Or maybe make cards to bring to the nearest nursing home.  These small gestures, help give children a sense that we are all in this together.


Heart

To know my husband well is to know that he loves to sing.  In the shower, making breakfast, during stressful times, and definitely around the holidays, my husband brings music into our homes.  (Thank goodness he has a beautiful singing voice!)  Music, singing puts smiles on people's faces and lifts the hearts of many. 

Gather a group of people to go singing this holiday season.  You can sing in your neighborhood, local elderly community, or I've even heard of kids singing at no-kill animal shelters.  Or like Clark Griswald would surely tell us, sing in the car.

Not the singing type?  Think of other ways to bring heart to your holidays.  What greater gift is there than love?


Peace to you and those you love,

Rebecca

 

Gratitude for Work

A practice taken from Donald Altman's fantastic resource and guide  One-Minute Mindfulness:



"Make a list of everything you can be grateful for in your work.  You can start by listing all of the things that your work makes possible in your life: a car, a roof over your head, running water, electricity, medical benefits for you and your family, and so on.  Don't be stingy with your gratitude as you consider all that your work provides for you.  Carry the list with you to remind yourself what your job means for you and others in your life."



Be well,

Rebecca

"Dwell in possibility." - Emily Dickinson

Great book for teen girls

To make a great book for teen girls, it takes a certain amount of balance between useful and accessible.  Here is a recent find that I would recommend to most teen girls.

My Feet Aren't Ugly  by Debra Beck is informative without being preachy.  Full of activities, advice, and education for teen girls, I think it is a good resource for most any teen girl.  It covers dating, friends, sex, spiritual, creativity, and more.

And with that title, you'll never forget it!

Rebecca

Parenting simplified

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”

- Josh Billings

What to tell kids about divorce

Divorce happens.  With the amount of pressure people are under, it seems to be happening a bit more these days.  The adults' own feelings about the divorce are a big enough of an undertaking, but what and when to tell your children is an important component to consider.

Just like when communicating with children about other big events in life (illness in the family, moving, new sibling), it is important to remember a few things:

1) Keep the content age appropriate.  Use words that are typical for that child's everyday language.

2) Answer questions honestly, even if the answer if "I don't know, but I know you'll be ok."

3) Tell children in different age groups separately to attend effectively to their varying needs.

4) Practice aloud in your car or someplace private so that you can be as clear and calm as possible when speaking to your children.

5) Avoid language that might put your child in the middle.

For more tips, here is a great introductory article in Family Education.

If needed, be sure to enlist the help of a qualified professional in your area to support you or your children. With the school year coming up, be sure to inform teachers and school social workers so they can look out for your children during the day.  This is a big change for everybody involved.  Be sure to take good care and access any resources you need.

Be well,

Rebecca

When kids get stressed

Kids get stressed just like everyone else.  Be it parents divorcing, illness in the family, a teacher they don't like, issues with friends, academic performance issues, kids are out there learning to navigate the world. 

This article from Family Education provides good tips for helping your kids cope with stress.  Check it out!

Of course if your child is struggling and your efforts have not seemed to make much of a difference, most schools have social workers or teachers you can talk to.  Enlist the assistance of a therapist or counselor in your area if you feel you or your child needs additional support. 

Be well,

Rebecca

Confession

I first heard this prayer in a Sinead O'Connor CD.  Actually, it wasn't a Sinead O'Connor CD by label.  It was a CD my brother bought on vacation only to find when he finally got to play it at home that it was indeed not the industrial music he thought it was but Sinead.  Needless to say, he tossed it my way and I discovered this prayer.  Regardless of religious affiliation - you can substitute God for whatever works for you - it just seems like good sense.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

I am an early bird.  Always have been.  There is something truly inspiring for me to begin my day in total silence.  In the morning, before the rest of the household wakes, the tiniest sound is clear - the birds outside, the filling of my glass of water, the skritch of my pencil as I write, or my feet moving on my mat.

Being an early bird, I often see the sun rising.  Like a sunflower, I find myself facing the light as it filters through the trees behind my house.  What more promise is there in a sunrise.

When things are hard or busy, and it feels like there are too many things to do, a simple reminder that tomorrow is a new day, that the sun will predictably rise again, can make all the difference in changing suffering into thriving.

But sometimes, on those really, really hard days, tomorrow's sunrise can be too far away.

Here is an idea from Daily OM on bringing the sunrise into any moment:

One simple way to do this is to carry an image or a photograph of the rising sun with us in our wallet or purse. We can also post this image on our wall at work or at home, or have it as our screensaver on our computer. When we feel the need to start fresh, we can take a moment to gaze at the image, allowing its light to enter into our hearts. As we do this, we might say out loud or quietly to ourselves, I am ready to let go of the past and start anew. We might visualize anything we want to release leaving us as we exhale, and as we inhale, we can take in the fresh energy of the eastern sun, allowing it to light the way to a brand-new day.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

Rebecca

Finding Happiness

If you get down to it, many people seek out a therapist because they want to be happy.  It is natural for all of us to want to be happy in marriage, with parenting, in relationships, jobs, overall life.  It may sound simplified, but we all want to feel happy.

Sometimes, happiness is more elusive than a state a mind one can just switch into.  Stress, health, relationships, self-confidence, self-esteem can all interfere with having a sense of happiness.

Here is a pretty good list of books on happiness and how to cultivate greater happiness in your life:

Brain Pickings' Must Read List on Happiness 

Enjoy!

Rebecca

When life gets heated

Its hot.  It has been hot for a while.  And it doesn't appear to be letting up anytime soon. 

This kind of heat feels limiting: my walks need to be early in the morning lest I keel over of heat stroke, my gardening time is shortened the later in the day it gets, and even if I roll down all of the windows in my car, the breeze is still hot. 

This kind of heat is not unlike other times when it feels like life is "turning up the heat" - when we are faced with family conflict, financial strain, illness, pain, fear, depression, anxiety, you name it.  Times when our deepest wounds are reopened, old fears triggered, etc.

This is where I remind myself, in this heat or when life "turns up the heat" that:

Nothing last forever.

Nothing does. 

Not this heat.  Not a fight with your spouse. 

This kind of perspective remind me that there will be a time when rains come, when fires are extinguished, when life seems to settle down a bit.

So what do we do when it is hot?  When life gets unbearably uncomfortable?

We take care of ourselves.  We "cool off" by doing things that feel refreshing.  We stop a moment to breathe.  We treat opur bodies to healthy, refreshing foods.

Nothing lasts forever. 

But when it feels like life just turned up the heat.... take good care.  You are worth it.

Be well,

Rebecca 

Resources for Pain

The American Chronic Pain Association is a wealth of resources for people experiencing chronic pain from fibromyalgia, back pain, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, migraine, irritable bowel syndrome, and more. 

Pain is unique in that there need not be any visible signs for pain.  In fact, pain can be encompassing, sometimes it is even difficult for someone experiencing chronic pain to put their experiences into words. 

Within the ACPA's website are various checklists and logs available for anyone to print as a tool for communicating about pain to medical or mental health staff.  The more clearly someone experiencing chronic pain is able to convey their experience of pain, the more likely he or she will be able to receive individualized support and treatment.

If you are experiencing chronic pain, consider checking out resources available to improve your quality of life.
 
You are worth it.

Rebecca

Parents still have sex?

Research shows that 70% of married couples experience a significant decrease in relational and sexual intimacy after the birth of their first child.

It is all well and good for couples to know that many parents experience less connection in their marriage.  Add jobs, housework, stress and it makes it even more difficult to connect in your marriage.  Honestly, how many parents of young children even have the energy at the end of the day for some serious connecting?

FamilyEducation.com offers these 10 tips to spice up your marriage.

1. Hold hands

2. Be romantic at home - Romance doesn't necessarily mean anything grand.  Being loving can be very simple.

3. Make sex a priority - I would change that to make sensuality a priority.  Never know where a good back rub might take you.

4. Do some little gesture just because - A man I know brings his wife a cup of tea every night.  Every single night for over 30 years.  Little gestures add up to something wonderful.

5. Pretend you just met - Get to know each other on a date.  Yes, a real date where you go out, without spilled apple juice on your clothes, and talk about things that interest you - not how to get your picky eater to start liking broccoli.

6. Feel good about yourself - if you don't, do something about it!

7. Get dressed up - A friend has a running joke with her husband.  He says, "You're wearing make-up.  What friends are we seeing tonight?" 

8. Compliment your spouse - Everyone likes a compliment.  Don't go fishing for one, give one first.

9. Let your partner know what makes you feel special  - Sometimes what feels special changes over time.  Start by asking your partner what makes him or her feel special.

10. Communicate - anyway you can.  Text, notes tapes to the microwave, etc. - One busy couple I know uses a notebook to write notes back and forth.  Sometimes they are family business.  Sometimes cute doodles.  But it is connection when their schedules are full.


Be well,

Rebecca

Mayo's Top 10 Stress Relievers

Stressful day? Week? Month?

Here is a list of Mayo Clinic's Top 10 Stress Relievers.


1. Get active.  Exercise refocuses our minds, loosens our muscles and pumps us with feel-good endorphins.  Stay within your realm.  A little goes a long way.  Check with your doctor first if need be.

2. Meditate.  Focused awareness on the breath or an image or a word can go far to clear the mind.  Check out resources by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Jack Kornfield.

3. Laugh.  It cools down your stress responses, gets your heart beating and improves breathing.  Find a local Laughter Yoga group or watch a funny movie.

4. Connect.  Social contact with others helps to distract, feel supported, and get out of a funk.

5. Assert Yourself.  While speaking up can be difficult for many, sharing your opinions, choices or feelings can release internal conflict.

6. Do yoga.  Cannot say enough about this great way to move, relax and get quiet.

7.  Sleep.  Too much or too little sleep impacts concentration, mood, energy levels, and overall functioning.  Employ relaxation tapes to help you fall asleep if you are having trouble.

8. Journal.  Writing out thoughts or feelings can actually help sort out what feels overwhelming inside.  Free writing is best to start where you just write our whatever comes to mind.  Keep a journal in a safe place or a protected file.

9.  Get musical.  Either bang away on a drum (or pots and pans!) or dance around your house, music has been used by people for centuries to celebrate and have fun.

10.  Seek counsel.  If stressors feel too much or if old stuff is getting in the way of the life you want, find a qualified therapist or counselor in your area.  Ethical guidelines protect your privacy and insurance will often cover at least a number of sessions.

Pick one and de-stress.  You deserve a little break.

Be well,

Rebecca

Keeping connected in your marriage

Peter Fraenkel, PhD, psychotherapist and Professor of Clinical Psychology, author of Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage argues,

       "most relationship problems can be traced to partners being out of sync on the powerful but mostly hidden dimension of time." 

It is not too hard to see what he means.  More and more couples are becoming dual-earning families, kids needs shuffling around, financial stress abounds, and at the end of the day, there is still housework needs to be done.

There doesn't need to be illness, chronic pain, anxiety, or depression for couples to feel stressed in their marriage.  (Though certainly those things can exacerbate the issue.)

At a recent lecture I attended downtown, Fraenkel suggested the 60-Second Pleasure Points for couples to stay connected.

Here is how it works:

1. Brainstorm as a couple fun, pleasurable, and/or sensual things that can be done in 60-seconds.

2. Think of ways to connect when not together.  (i.e., texts to say hi, emails reminding each other of fun things you did when first married or dating, etc.)

3. Allot 60 seconds in morning, afternoon, and evening just to reconnect through any means.  A hug.  A kiss.  A text.  Or...  All it takes is 3 minutes a day.  Just three minutes. 


When you look at it three minutes really isn't too much to ask.  Have fun with it.  Three minutes a day may not be enough to solve more ingrained marital conflict or marriage issues.  In that case, consult with a qualified therapist or counselor in your area.  But when you look at the busy daily schedule you have, three minutes is completely achievable.

Have fun thinking of 60 minute pleasure points!

Rebecca 

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.”

 - Pema Chodron

Teach your kids about money

Money, finances, debt, the economy, it is on all of our minds in some way or another.  Either we need more or we are trying to protect what we have.  As parents, this is particularly important and fantastic time to teach our children how to have a healthy relationship with money, how to manage it properly, and how to be mindful of where it goes.

Here are 10 tips to teaching kids about money by Paul Richard


1.       As soon as children can count, introduce them to money.

2.      Communicate with children as they grow about your values concerning money

3.      Help children learn the differences between needs, wants, and wishes.

4.      Setting goals is fundamental to learning the value of money and saving.

5.       Introduce children to the value of saving versus spending.

6.      When giving children an allowance, give them the money in denominations that encourage saving.

7.       Take children to a credit union or bank to open their own savings accounts.

8.      Keeping good records of money saved, invested, or spent is another important skill young people must learn.

9.      Use regular shopping trips as opportunities to teach children the value of money.

10.   Allow young people to make spending decisions.

For more information, check out Family Education at: http://life.familyeducation.com/money-and-kids/parenting/36332.html#ixzz1uIMbB28a

Be well,

Rebecca

Are your thoughts stressing you out?

Imagine if we had the ability to create our realities with just our thoughts.  We could think our way to financial stability, greater health, extreme happiness. While our reality cannot simply appear through mere thoughts, we do have an incredible amount of control over our thoughts and how we choose to perceive what is happening in our lives.

Aaron Beck, psychiatrist and professor, is considered the founding father of Cognitive Behavior Therapy.  His model "describes how people’s perceptions of, or spontaneous thoughts about, situations influence their emotional, behavioral (and often physiological) reactions."

Hundreds of clinical trials and research shows that by addressing our thoughts and the behaviors that follow, we are able to successfully ameliorate a wide range of difficulties such as depression, anxiety, emotional and behavioral components of chronic pain & illness, stress, anger, relationship difficulties, eating disorders, substance abuse, parenting and the list goes on.

Here are some of the top thought patterns that can stand in our way:

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
       
Thinking of things in terms of "always", "every", or "never".  For example, if a mother thinks to herself, "My son is always acting up.", she is likely to parent from this clouded vision and not look at the whole picture.  Is it possible for a child to ALWAYS act up?  Not when they are sleeping.   But if a parent cannot allow herself to see the good times, she is more likely to miss them.


MENTAL FILTER

Focusing on only certain, usually negative, aspects of something.  For example, if a woman experiencing financial stress and decides to take on a second job, her mental filter might be, "Yes, but it is so low paying."  Rather than, "I am so grateful to have this second job."  It can be difficult being around people with this kind of mental filter.  They are often considered "negative" or to be "complaining all of the time".  It is always possible to find something positive even if it is just the fact the sun is shining or I have a good friend.


SHOULDING

This is a form of judgment geared either towards oneself or another.  A close relative to All or Nothing Thinking, Shoulding looks something like this, "That mom should put her kid in a time out." or "I should have known she would have divorced me."  Should does not leave a lot of room for our humanness.  As a wise woman once told me, "We know nothing."  We cannot know the entire picture of what is going on for a mom with a tantruming child in the grocery.  And we cannot possibly be able to predict the actions of another.


PERSONALIZATION

It is considered "the mother of guilt".  This is where one person holds themselves solely responsible for an event that isn't under their control. Examples would be "I made him get mad.", "My cancer is my fault.", "I was too critical and now she can't stop drinking."  A good anecdote to this one is to gently, with a sense of humor, remind ourselves that none of us are the center of the galaxy.  The sun has dibs on that one. 


See if you can catch yourself making any of these false thoughts.  As always, if you are experiencing difficulties, contact a profesisonal in your area.

Be well,

Rebecca

What's in your food?

Organic. 

I know its more expensive.  When faced with two apples - organic or conventional - and your checking account is wringing its hands, forking over 5o cents more per pound for an apple that looks the same shade of red, is sometimes hard to do.

We know the pro-organic arguments: greater nutritional value, environmental conservation, etc. 

But the truth of the matter is, your checking account doesn't care about those things. 

So if you are concerned about the amount of toxins in your produce, but you want to maintain financial health as well, here is the Dirty Dozen list put out by the Environmental Working Group.  The foods on this list tend do contain the highest amount of toxins.  If you're going to buy organic, make it these:

1. Celery
2. Peaches
3. Strawberries
4. Apples
5. Blueberries
6. Nectarines
7. Bell peppers
8. Spinach
9. Cherries
10. Kale & Collard Greens
11. Potatoes
12. Grapes (buy USA grown)


We are what we eat!


Eat well,

Rebecca

Good breathing does more than we think

The importance of breathing is a no-brainer.  In fact, adults take on average 15 breaths per minute.  There are 1440 minutes per day which means we breath somewhere around 21,992 times each day.

That's a lot of breath.

According to Ann Boroch, CNC, naturopath and author of both Healing Multiple Sclerosis and The Candida Cure:

"75% of the toxins you eliminate will leave your body through your respiration."

Boroch recommends that to support the body's natural function to detox through breathing, two minutes, four times daily of some good deep breathing is a good practice. 

Put this recommendation into the context of a busy day, take a good deep breath whenever the phone rings or you sit down to eat. 

Be well,

Rebecca

Simplifying it all

There are many, many wonderful people who have published helpful works about pain, illness, depression, mindfulness, parenting, job loss, healing, and plain ol' just wanting to enjoy life.  From one of those works, here is a favorite quote of mine:

"As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you."

 - Jon Kabat-Zinn

It doesn't always feel this way.  Sometimes it feels like the exact opposite - that more things are wrong than right.  But take down to the fundamental meaning of life.  As long as you are breathing, ther eis more right with you than wrong with you.

So breathe.  And enjoy.

Be well,

Rebecca

Smiling makes you happier!

Can smiling actually make us feel happier?


Andrew Weil, physician, author, educator, says this about smiling:

The "facial feedback" hypothesis holds that physically expressing an emotion sends a biochemical signal from the facial muscles that "loops" back to the brain. It's similar to the way that sound coming from a speaker can be picked up by a microphone and sent back through the speaker as amplified feedback. This has huge significance for those who aim to improve their emotional well-being, because it suggests that we can consciously control our emotional lives much more than we might have suspected.

And its true!

As an undergrad psych major, my research partner and I created a study for a class that looked at the effects of holding a pencil in your hand versus in your mouth (which mimics smiling) while viewing the same comic strip.  The people who held the mouth in their pencils rated the comic as more amusing.

Try it out.  When you are feeling serious - smile.  Feeling grumpy?  Make silly faces in the mirror.

Now is this a solution for pervasive depression?  Probably not alone.  Will it cure illness or make pain go away completely?  Not likely.  However, it can help to balance us out just a little bit more.  Laughter and smiling is one resource we always have with us that can help us become more resilient.

Or watch a funny movie, read a humorous book, have fun - when we remember to enjoy life, we actually enjoy it more!

Rebecca

How stressed are you?

Let me preface this post by saying that "stress" can take on a variety of meanings.  How we experience stress largely has to do with the nature of the stressor and our own personalities. 

In 1967, psychiatrists Holmes & Rahe set out to study the relationship between stress and illness.  They surveyed 5,000 people and asked if they had experienced any of a list life events in the previous two years.  Through the study, they were able to rank stressful life events from most stressful to the least.  Here is what they came up with from most stressful to least:

1. Death of Spouse
2. Divorce
3. Marital Separation
4. Jail term
5. Death of close family member
6. Personal injury, illness (I add chronic pain to this one)
7. Marriage
8. Fired at work
9. Marital reconciliation
10. Retirement
11. Change in health of family member
12. Pregnancy
13. Sex difficulties
14. Gain of new family member
15. Business readjustment
16. Change in financial state
17. Death of close friend
18. Change to a different line of work
19. Change in number of arguments with spouse
20. A large mortgage or loan
21. Foreclosure of mortgage
22. Change in responsibilities at work
23. Son or daughter leaving home
24. Trouble with in-laws
25. Outstanding personal achievement
26. Spouse begins or stops work
27. Begin or end school/college
28. Change in living conditions
29. Revision of personal habits
30. Trouble with boss
31. Change in work hours
32. Change in residence
33. Change in school/college
34. Change in recreation
35. Change in church activities
36. A moderate loan or mortgage
37. Change in sleeping habits
38. Change in number of family get-togethers
39. Change in eating habits
40. Vacation
41. Christmas
42. Minor violation of law

If you take a quick scan of this list, you may be surprised that positive events such as getting married, conceiving or retirement are near the top of the list.  Why?  Because even joyous occasions such as getting married, an outstanding personal achievement, or promotion create change in our daily routines. When our daily routine are altered by even something wonderful, we may become busier with all of the exciting things that are happening, we may be spending more money, we may be busier with preparations. The theme here is change. 
The other note about this list, is that people are multi-faceted.  When we take a look at ourselves from a holistic point of view, it makes sense that one event would effect the overall balance in our lives.  For example, chronic pain as a "stressful event" could effect sleeping habits, change in recreation, etc.  Change in responsibilities at work could create difficulties in change in recreation, change in work hours, etc.

How can this list be helpful?

Sometimes when overwhelmed, it can help to break it down, to see the trickling effect of how one main event can impact our lives.  The fact that positive changes are listed also lend some validation to otherwise confusing emotions such as "I've just gotten a promotion, so why am I so stressed?" or "My kids are finally out of the house, so why am I miserable?"

Use the list to help get perspective on stress.  This act of kindness may go a long way to de-stressing.

Be well,

Rebecca

  

8 Benefits of Sleep

An average adult typically needs 8 hours a night.  While school-age children typically run well off 9 hours. Experts like those at NYU's Sleep Disorder Center and Mayo Clinic says that a good night's sleep can have multiple benefits.  Here are the 8 most frequently cited:




1) Improved Memory

2) Curb Inflammation / Decrease Pain

3) Spur Creativity

4) Healthy Weight Management

5) Decrease Stress

6) Improve attention

7) Decrease irritability

8) Strengthen Immune System


If you are struggling with sleep, Mayo Clinic offers these tips:

• Stick to a regular sleep schedule
• Create a bedtime routine that cues your body that it is time to rest
• Limit naps to 10-30 minutes so they do not interfere with nighttime sleep
• Avoid alcohol, nicotine and caffeine close to bedtime
• Increase physical activity during the day
• If you don't feel sleepy after 15 minutes in bed, get up, do something and try again

For people who are experiencing pain, illness, or high levels of stress, sometimes settling in and falling asleep becomes more complicated.  If this is the case, you may consider consulting with your physician, therapist or other professional for resources available to you.  There are many options in terms of helping you get the sleep you need.

Sleep is essential to how our health - both mentally and physically.   If it is a problem for you, make it a priority.  Check in with your habits around sleep and consult with a professional if you need more assistance.  Your well-being is worth it.

Sweet dreams,

Rebecca

Riding the waves of life

“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”  ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

Job loss.  Chronic pain.  Death of spouse.  Illness.  Cancer.  Fibromyalgia.  Traffic jam when you are trying to get home.

So much of life is out of our control.  Life is going to go about its business whether we like it or not.  We have choices around how we want to live it.  This does not mean what is troubling us isn't important.  It is important.  This does not mean it cannot impact us.  Life often does impact us.

Sometimes it is a matter of how we want to view our circumstances.  Sometimes it is not so simple as changing our viewpoint and we need to go to a trusted friend, therapist, pastor, spouse.  Sometimes it takes a while before the sting of our situation goes away.  Sometimes quite a while.

Give yourself a moment to image what life will be like when you are past whatever is difficult.  Imagine it in the fullest detail.  Nothing lasts forever, not this bad day, not this difficult moment.

Be well,

Rebecca

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Drink It Up

Why is water so important?

According to Mayo Clinic, "water is your body's principal chemical component and makes up about 60 percent of your body weight. Every system in your body depends on water."

Water flushes our body of toxins.  Water helps to regulate our body temperature.  It dissolves nutrients for our body to use.  It is crucial in the very first stop in our digestion: the mouth.  It carries oxygen to our cells, lubricates our joints, helps decrease pain, supports our immune systems, and on.

Not enough water and we can become tired.  Dehydration can cause us to get headaches, lightheaded, low blood pressure, more susceptible to illness.

How much water should I drink?

The answer is pretty straightforward.  Take your body weight divide it in half and translate that into ounces.  If someone weighs 200 pounds.  Then half that and he or she should be drinking 100 ounces a day.  This can include non-caffeinated herbal teas as well.

Add more water to your daily amount following exercise or yard work or high outdoor temperatures.


A good rule of thumb:

• Drink your daily amount of water before enjoying any other beverages.  This is a way to be sure you are getting all you need.

• Carry a water bottle with you everywhere.

• And as a dear friend practices, stop at the drinking fountain at work or hit your water bottle after every time you use the bathroom.

Use tomorrow as an experiment.  Keep track of how much water you are drinking in a day.  If you are not reaching your recommended amount, give it a try for a week and see how you feel.


Be well,

Rebecca

Change

The world is in flux.  We all know this.  If a day goes by when we are not experiencing it ourselves, then the grapevine is there to remind us.  Whether it be the morning news, a favorite newspaper subscription on a trusty Nook, or the man standing next in line at the grocery, we can be sure we will be kept abreast of the many changes around us.

For many, change is uncomfortable.  Change shines a spotlight on a simple truth in life: much of life is out of our control.  The anxiety of it all can be enough to keep us awake at night, feed an underlying current of tension, or flat-out scare the pants off us.

With every passing day, every passing hour, every passing minute - there is change.

So if change is going to happen regardless of our efforts, what are we to do?

Breathe.

It is simple, really.  If we can take even three seconds to follow the breath, it brings us back to the steady rhythm that is life.  When we breathe, we are nourishing our bodies.  When we breathe, can ease tension.  When we breathe, we are reminded that even the breath changes.

Life is not without a sense of humor.

By focusing on this steady companion - our breath - we are reminded that change is natural.  It is worthy of our observation.  And it has a rhythm that we all share.

Give it a try.  Before flying out of bed each morning, simply take three breaths.  Perhaps notice the temperature of the air entering your nostrils and the temperature of the air as it leaves your body.  Three small, mindful breaths in the morning.  That change, at least, isn't so bad after all.


Rebecca